I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
