Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it because I queefed?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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