Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
