When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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