is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hippo gnu deer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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