So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
