She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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