Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
