Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
