Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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