I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
