I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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