I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my poor anus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
