I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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