I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
