The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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