It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
