You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
