You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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