Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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