wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
