Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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