Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My pussy is not your playground.
this boner is exhausting
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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