Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
