Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
