Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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