david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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