Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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