I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All the doctor said was why
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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