but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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