i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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