He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
