Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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