tell your sister to shave her snatch
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
