Umm I'm too high to move.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
