4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
