I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
