It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
