you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
