Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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