Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
