I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
