Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
