you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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