i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
