I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
