I can't watch pbs sober anymore
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
