it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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