Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
