You really coming over, don't trick.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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