Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
