When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
