I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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