pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
