i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
