i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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