Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
