My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
