So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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