Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't turn off my feet"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
