i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
