My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
