I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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