In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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