thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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