I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
