i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
